
Michael
“If I would like to write about everything… All I do is to listen to a love song or a ballad… sometimes Jazz.”
It is very difficult to compose a story, even if it is the shortest story in the world specially when you are not motivated… specially when you are not organize. Just like what I am doing right now… I have no drafts, I have no title… I have no idea why I am writng at all. Technically it is not writing because I am not using my hand and using a pen. Writing for me is something that you do using a pen or a paper, a more conventional way… What I am doing now is typing, which is for me an extra way of expressing oneself through words, but more convenient way.
Who can still remember the time that what you use is a paper and a pencil? I do. It was like my mom used to teach me how to write my name and I had the most horrible writing of all. But I remember how she smiled at me when I finish writing my name. She was my first teacher. Maybe now I am composing something for her… or for me… or for my friends. I do not know. My mind is like flying from corner to another. It is trying to think what it wants to write while my ears are carefully listening to the songs of Michael Buble. Well, he is like the new Frank Sinatra and he is for me, a very admirable man. Currently, I am listening to “Feeling Good”. I remember the feeling ofperforming on a stage. I remember how I wanted to be a stage performer. Maybe in my past life, I was a “stage” star. Every time I hear a music that catches my ears’ attention, my feet just stop stomping… my shoulder’s can’t stop grooving. Well… I may be a dancer in nature. (Now I am laughing alone.)
Currently I am listening to “Save the Last Dance for Me”. When I was in High School, I can still remember Reyna dancing “Angelina” together with this crowd of dancers. They were like line dancing… almost same custome… same actions… same song but the skill of dancing was really different. I must say, she was the best. Reyna was my best friend in High School. She was like my sister and I was like her assistant. (Lauging out loud).
“I guess I’m faling for you.” I heard those words already. “What? You know you can’t fall in love with me.” He answered. He was Rai, the man who was complicated… yes complicated himself. He is aware not really aware but knows he is gay. But he was in denial. Maybe because he has a girlfriend and his family was like conservative… or maybe he is just enjoying the fact that he is mysterious… complicated. (Just done listening to “Guess I’m Falling for You”)
“I wish you love… I wish you all the best in life. For the men I loved before… when the rain falls, I wish you love.”
I don’t know I am single… for life. Am I supposed to be gay? Am I supposed to be someone who will spend money for men? Am I supposed to be the one who will grow up old and dirty alone? I don’t know why I can’t find “real” happiness with in. Kae said that it is because I have a bad attitude. Maybe she is right. But it is just me… it is the real me. I don’t want pretend. I don’t know why people have to change themselves into someone they’re not just to impress people… impress someone. Uggghhh!
Darren sang “The Way You Look Tonight” when we first met and that was in Baguio. And I couldn’t believe he was really good. And when he sang that, he was smiling and I felt he dedicated the song to me. Well, as far as my emotion was concern, I really felt it. It touched my foolish heart. He was lovely at first… But I guess it was all my fault. He was hot and sexy and tall and of course Chinito. When he smiled at me, I remember that it wrinkled his nose. (ahahahhah). I wish his life was not that complicated, I mean his preference as a person. But thank you Darren…I swear, I also loved “the way you looked that night.”
Yes love sometimes is crazy. (Crazy Love). Sometimes it is stupid. I always feel like I am in heaven (which part of heaven?). I day dream and always think of the person I am attracted to. I want to have good impressions with that person and I want to know he is okay… even he has a partner. Yes I feel this crazy love to Donn who has a boyfriend for more than 2 years or 3 years. And they really look good to each other. I just hate it because I envy them… I love him… now this is crazy love. Right? Ahhahaha.
Did someone asked you to “Hold On”? Yes. I guess twice. But how can you hold on, when he is already giving up. I asked him to hold on, he didn’t. For him, it was over… completely over. “In a relationship, there are thousand ways things to fall apart, but it’s no one’s fault.” Sometimes, shit happens when you are at your peak in a relationship. But the most important thing is both of you are ready to keep working things out. Both of you are decided to talk and sit down when the other one is crying and feel like giving up. And when both of you are ready to “hold on”. Remember, just remember there was one time people say that you were the lucky once.
“ I promise you… when everything falls apart, I will be the last one to give up. And even this relationship ends… I promise to catch you still when you feel like falling apart.”
When cellular phones are everywhere… people stop sending love messages through letters. What we do is to keep sending text `messages and forwarded quotes. And there are times when we find our textmates, we start to get to know them… and then knowing what they like and what they want in life. And courting begins… and there times that people do fall in love with someone they met through text messages. Even they have not met each other yet in person. (Listening to Haven’t Met You Yet).
Well.. I really hate this part. Another summer day has done and gone away. I maybe sorrounded with beautiful and nice people but I feel all alone… I just want to go home. Now it is officially more than 5 years that I have not gone home yet. I miss my Mama, my sister and my brother. I miss the place where I grew up. I miss the school I went to, my teachers and classmates. Sometimes I wonder what they look like, what it looks like. I wish I can go home for 1 month and spend the time with them but I still have work in when I come back here in Makati. I miss you all. I really do. I want to come “home”. Please, God, if you allow me… let me go home.
Now the last song of Michael Buble…”Come Fly with Me”. Well, I guess I am running out of words to type. Hahahahhaha… I know this piece of writing has no sense at all. I was just trying to write a story that I will submit to ABS-CBN but it turns out that I wrote something that has something to do with my experiences and Michael Buble’s songs… Oh come on, pack up and let’s fly away! (hahahahh)





























